I Really Must Laugh

I have never been one to worry about my clothes. How well they fit. Whether they match. How worn they are, or stained. Not unless I'm going to work anyway. Now that I've lost over 40 pounds, most of which is gone from my butt and from my belly, things fit - well - differently. It is only to be expected of course, but sometimes something will take me a bit by surprise and I have to laugh about it all.

Back in 2008, when I was in Fairbanks publishing my book, I bought a few clothes. One thing was a pair of pajama pants, they were hard weave (not a knit fabric) and they were comfortable enough, but a little tight for sitting. I hardly ever wore them. Recently I figured I better start wearing these clothes I'd bought way back when or I would completely un-grow them and miss my chance. It was a near thing with those pants. A couple more inches from around my middle and they would be falling off. I'm going to have to shorten the elastic in the waist. haha

Another thing which struck me today. At the same time, in Fairbanks I found a jacket, and I've worn it a lot since then. It's a very nice jacket with fake sheepskin lining and a nice brown cotton shell, with a hood too. It is my winter jacket 90% of the time. I bought it because the sleeves weren't a foot too long AND I could zip it up. Something very important to me, especially for a winter jacket. I put it on today for the first time since last winter. The waist is now very loose, though not so loose that I won't continue to wear it.

My boss gave me a summer jacket a couple years ago. They had to guess at the size and it turned out to be too small in a way. The sleeves are a bit long but the waist was like three inches short of zipping. Since it was a summer jacket I wasn't too worried about that. If it was raining, I had a poncho to wear when I drove the boat. Otherwise it worked well enough. It too was plenty warm enough for summer's chilly morning boat drives. By the time summer's rainy season started I could zip it up and now this jacket too is a bit loose around the waist. haha I'm not giving it up though. It's a great jacket and it has my name monogrammed on it.

There's another laughable thing I wear and smile about. For years I've wanted a new pistol belt. The one I have was getting too short. Even on the last hole, it was tight, and I had to wear it up around my ribs. Now, though I still wear it on the last hole, it now hangs loosely down around my hips where I like to wear it.  If it weren't for my pistol making for a lopsided weight, I'm sure I would lose it entirely. My pistol sits down on my thigh out from under my elbow; all I need is a tie-down for it to ride like any good gun-slinger's pistol should ride.

There are other things I've un-grown - things I never thought to have trouble with. Yeah, I'll surely have to go shopping when I hit town.

It is what it is

My life is what my life is, and this time of year there is nothing to it but to wait for the seasons to change. I pulled one of the two boats we had in the water today. I'll keep watch on the water level. So far, it's raining enough to maintain things, but that's got to end soon. There is one thing going in my life right now that I'm rather thrilled about. I'm losing weight for the first time in a long time and I feel great - greater by the day.

I consider my body like unto a machine. A well-cared-for machine operates well and lasts long. This 'machine' however has been overloaded for a long time, and we all know that can lead to problems. My problems were sore feet, a stiff back and poor sleep. Poor sleep can also lead to problems but to date, I'd managed to avoid them.

Now that I'm shedding all those extra pounds, my feet aren't sore anymore and I'm sleeping tons better. My back is still stiff first thing in the morning, but then I'm no spring chicken anymore either, a few aches and pains are to be expected when you reach my age. My age - well back in June I felt about 80. What did I know what 50something was supposed to feel like?  My weight gain had been gradual over the last 30 years, and over the last five or so it would fluctuate from five to ten pounds as I went from winter's quiet to summer's work and back again. That didn't mean that I still didn't end up a couple pounds heavier at the end of it all.

July 24 was the last day of my first session with the hcg drops and I had lost 30 pounds over the 40 days previous, ending at 173 pounds. No longer did I feel like I was an 80 year old grandmother badly in need of retirement. Now I felt like, heck, I say I felt ten years younger, but I'm thinking I felt better than that - younger - nearly like a kid again - haha - well almost.

There is a six week break between sessions and during that time I continued to lose the weight albeit at a slower rate. I was at 160 pounds when I started my second session ten days ago and already I've shed over five pounds. It's been a long time since there has been a 5 as the middle number of my weight.

My husband keeps saying little things like, "There's a lap between your knees and your belly." and "I can feel some ribs now." Course that's not all he says, but that's all I'm willing to put on here. hahaha No I'm not getting bony. It's just that it's been a long time since ribs and hip bones have been findable without some digging.

My goal is somewhere in the 130+ range, hopefully less than 140 pounds. It's where I was way back when. It looks like I just might get there. This old 'machine' is more than ready to unload all this extra weight. It's certainly not doing me any good.

The biggest question I get is, "How do you deal with eating only 500 calories?" I don't understand calories and I don't count them. Heck, it would take me an hour just to weigh or measure what I eat to figure it out and I am too lazy to put that much effort into what I eat, plus no one ever counts all the extra calories that are floating around in your body already - that's the fat I'm talking about - that unwanted extra weight. These drops tell you body that they count too. So what if I only consume only 500 calories or so, I've got plenty to spare. I just don't eat what the diet says I should avoid and gestimate how much I am eating. It's working so who am I to complain. The people who have been, or are on, this diet have gone to great lengths to invent recipes to satisfy all you cooks out there but I haven't tried them. They look and sound really great. You could probably feed your whole family from these dishes and you'd all eat better. After all, you don't really need oil or sugar. I'll email a list of those recipes to anyone who wants to try some. Heck, I'll send anyone the whole pdf and you can read up on the study if you like.

Calling 9-1-1

9-1-1 It used to be just a phone number for emergencies. Now, it has a whole new meaning. Even ten years later, it still shudders my nerves when I hear something related to 911 or 9/11. I and my family are very far removed from the horrendous happenings in New York, so I know no one there; I'm not even sure I know someone involved second hand - someone who had family for personal friends there. A selfish part of me wants to say 'get over it and move on', but those words never make it out. I'll never say them, not ever. This whole world was totally rocked by this one senseless act; we will never get over it. We won't even get over it when everyone responsible has been properly punished for the crime, not even when it has become ancient history. Look at Pearl Harbor. I don't know the numbers and I'm not going to look them up, but the attack on Pearl Harbor had much the same affect around the world. Sure, there was a war going on and we were taking a back seat at the time, but the senseless loss of life was much the same, and it had the same affect then as the 9/11 attack did ten years ago. It brought us, fully enraged, into the war.

Now, ten years later, maybe some of the rage has worn off. The enemy, the terrorists, are far harder to find. They don't wear the uniform of the enemy. They are hard to see. They lie to get away in order to blow themselves up in the company of some other innocents in a market square or in a hotel lobby. They get their children to do things no child should be thinking of. And it is all in the name of their God or their Prophet. Maybe I'm getting this all wrong, but how can any religion, any teacher of said religion, teach that it is the greatest heavenly task to kill people who don't believe the same things? Many say it's not the religion that teaches this. I'll have to take their word for it. I've never read the Koran. I've never read the Bible either, and yet so many crimes have been committed for that too. That's why I'm scarcely a Christian. I guess that makes me an atheist.

I do know that some peoples think differently than I do, and I don't mean they have different ideas, I mean their brains operate differently. Have you ever read a book written by a Chinese person? Very complicated, and not such an easy train of logic to follow. I can only think that these terrorists think differently too. It just boggles me though. Surely, no matter where you are or how you grew up, wrong is still wrong. Killing innocent people is wrong. How can it be otherwise?

They say we aren't innocent though, but I can't see the crime. That America is predominantly Christian can't be the crime, surely. Ah me, I totally fail to grasp it all, and I can only say, 'we will never forget' and I, for one, will never forgive.